just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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