Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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