i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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