I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize