Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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