I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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