ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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