"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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