So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize