is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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