My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize