4 words: hood of his car
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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