she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
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I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
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I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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