Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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