My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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