I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
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i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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