Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
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So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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