I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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