my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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