Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
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I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
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Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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