thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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