why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Vodka?
Forever.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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