True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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