Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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