Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
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I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
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He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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