at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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