Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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