My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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