i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
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Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
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I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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