How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize