I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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