I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Every concussion has its silver lining
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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