I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
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Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
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This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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