Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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