were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
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I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
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I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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