i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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