Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize