i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
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