i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
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Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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