my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize