Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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