even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize