He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
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Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
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