I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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