So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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