Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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