Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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