Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize