I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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