I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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